The Monk's Mentality - How to find your self-worth and purpose in life from the perspective of your mentality

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Introduction to The Monk's Mentality

The Monk's Mentality, originally titled Think like a Monk. The author Jay Shetty is a well known internet writer and speaker. An outstanding young man of Indian origin who grew up in the UK, studied at a business school and interned at a famous company, but chose to leave everything behind and return to India to become a monk after graduation. After three years as a monk in a monastery, he finally decided to become a monk and returned to the UK to join Accenture, where he became an online 'digital guru' through his successful use of social media. This book is a compendium of his thoughts and the wisdom he learned from his three years as a monk, teaching readers how to live a meaningful life.

The book is divided into three parts: Letting Go, Growing Up, and Giving. The first part discusses how to find your values, let go of negative emotions and fears, and understand your motivation. The second part discusses the purpose of living one's life, how to cultivate discipline and tame one's heart. The third part is about giving, analyzing the benefits of having a servant's attitude and how to look at oneself in relation to others.

Why do we need to let go? What should I let go of?

Introspection: Positioning Your Values

The only way to build a meaningful life is to filter out that noise and look within.

The first step in setting goals and living our lives is to decide what kind of person we want to be, that is, to position our values. Positioning our values requires constant reflection, and the process can be summarized simply as a three-step iterative cycle:

Step 1: Reflect on your core values: What are the values I care about? Is it integrity, honesty, service to others, or some other value?
Step 2: Examine your life. After all, how you live your life - how you use your limited resources - defines who you are. So does this fit with the core values you recognize? Things to look at include
- The way I use my time, my money
- What kind of friends do I have?
- Media I read or watch
Step 3: Adjust the pace of my life to bring it closer to the values I recognize. In addition to adjusting the way I spend my time and money, it is also important to put myself in as ideal a situation as possible that is consistent with my values. This may include making more like-minded friends and spending less time with those who don't share my values.

Who you talk to, what you watch, what you do with your time: all of these sources push values and beliefs.

We need to re-examine ourselves from time to time because understanding ourselves, like understanding others, is not something that can be accomplished in a single sitting, and values become clearer in the process of re-examination.

"Your identity is a mirror covered with dust. When you first look in the mirror, the truth of who you are and what you value is obscured. Clearing it may not be pleasant, but only when that dust is gone can you see your true reflection."

The Monk's Mentality suggests that through the process of introspection, we can understand our own values at the present time, and position ourselves so that we no longer waver with the expectations of the outside world. Introspect every day and pick a time of the month to go to a different environment to reorganize your mood.

Let go of the negative mindset

Negative emotions can bring about long-term stress, which can have an impact on the body because stress hormones affect the hippocampus in the brain, which in turn affects the immune system. Have you ever been annoyed by someone reading to you, or had a headache because of an argument or anger? Letting go of negative thoughts is good for your body and mind.

"Cancers of the Mind: Comparing, Complaining, Criticizing."

Our lives are often accidentally filled with all kinds of negative emotions: in daily conversations with friends and colleagues you or they start complaining about someone or something, who is fighting with whom, celebrities on TV or social media talk about what's wrong with the government but no one has any practical suggestions... Our attention is easily attracted by negative words, and most of the time we are even affected without even realizing it. Most of the time, we are even influenced without even realizing it. Negative attitudes are very contagious because of the natural tendency of human beings to follow the crowd.

The more negativity that surrounds us, the more negative we become.

There are actually many types of negative mindsets spoken of here, and each of us can probably find ourselves or others with these behaviors in our lives, including:

Constant complaining
Saying the opposite of everything you say: e.g. you compliment him on his outfit and he says back, "I look good today, so I don't look good normally?"
Cynical. Thinks everyone's against him.
Criticizing others' opinions
Competition is too strong, everything has to be compared.
A controlling person who likes to command and demand attention from others.

Reducing negative influences from the outside world

If we're surrounded by gossip, conflict, and negativity, we start to see the world in those terms.

How do we let go of negative attitudes? For negative influences from the outside world, I mentioned earlier that we need to examine which friends we have and which activities we are engaged in, and this also applies here. However, sometimes it's not easy to just cut off your closest friends and family, so what should you do? The author suggests some specific ways to do this:

Be objective, when you realize that negative emotions are happening, such as when someone starts gossiping, getting angry, or arguing, look at it from an objective point of view and try to detach yourself from the emotion of the moment.
Slowly remove yourself from situations that cause negative emotions, such as throwing away things that cause bad memories and family fights.
The 25/75 rule: If there is one negative person in your life, make three times as many positive friends.
Take control of your time and spend most of your time with people who are easy to get along with and positive, leaving only a few moments for negative people. Sometimes we may want to help our friends and family, but we can't actually solve someone's emotional problems by spending a lot of time with them.

Cultivate Your Positive Mindset

Sometimes negative thoughts come from outside influences, and more often than not, we have a lot of negative thoughts and mindsets of our own, and it's up to us to consciously try to navigate them. First of all, it is important to be able to recognize that you are thinking negative thoughts, and once you can point out the negative thoughts, you can try to stop and try to analyze the nature of the problem. A common technique is to write down your negative thoughts, identify the negative sentence, and try to replace that part with a positive statement. This is a process that takes a long time to practice.

The bottom line is to turn the tables on yourself, speak less negatively, and don't spend time gossiping or judging others. We can all be more careful about what we say, and not be the ones who spread the negativity. By tolerating the imperfections of others and accepting that we have imperfections, we can slowly minimize the impact of negative thoughts and cultivate positive ones.

Unless we clean the ecology of our own heart and inspire others to do the same, we will be an instrument of polluting the environment. But if we create purity in our own heart, then we can contribute great purity to the world around us. But if we create purity in our own heart, then we can contribute great purity to the world around us.

Let go of fear and rise to the challenge

The negative attitudes mentioned earlier are ultimately rooted in fear: fear of the unknown, fear of not being loved, and fear of not being understood. Fear is a biological instinct, because knowing how to be afraid can help us avoid danger, but it's not good if we react in a way that doesn't solve the problem. To be more specific, let's say we meet a predator in the wild, we should run away when we feel the danger, but of course, some of us may be scared silly on the spot.

Most modern fears are not about life and death, but about the stress of something happening. Fear often causes us to spend a lot of time and energy trying to stay in our comfort zone, which can cause us to shy away from changing ourselves, meeting new people, accepting challenges, and pursuing higher aspirations.

We have so much to offer the world, but fear and anxiety disconnect us from our abilities.

Often times we run away from problems because of emotional stress instead of taking action to solve them, but we can all grow by successfully overcoming new challenges. Fear becomes a positive rather than a negative stressor if we face it correctly and identify the cues behind it that will help us solve our problems. Alex Honnold, a rock climber who successfully free-climbed Yosemite's El Capitan, said when asked how he overcame his fear:

"I work through the fear until it's just not scary anymore."

This is how we can calm down and find a way to deal with stressful situations:

Accept your negative emotions when they occur, take a deep breath, and calm your body first.
After you have calmed down, try to ask yourself why and when you feel tense and stressed, and find out the pattern and the root cause. Most of the time we are actually afraid of losing something.
Figure out what parts of the process are within our control, and focus on the parts we can control.

In essence, everything we have is temporary. By accepting this, we can stop worrying about loss and focus on cherishing what we have. We should understand that what we can let go of is our emotional and physical reaction to the fear of loss. If the fear of loss is a part of us that we can't control, it won't go away.

But when we accept the temporary nature of everything in our lives, we can feel gratitude for the good fortune of getting to borrow them for a time.

Letting go of superficial success and choosing the right motivation

We are all driven by something when we do something.

Without a reason for moving forward, we have no drive.

Often, we work hard simply because we want to achieve external success, but we are not satisfied when we do succeed, because we are not motivated by the right things. Happiness actually comes from a sense of fulfillment. When we feel that our life and behavior are meaningful and worthwhile, then we can achieve true satisfaction.

There are four fundamental drivers that affect our motivation to do things:

Fear: I've talked about this before. When we are motivated by fear, we are motivated to become more secure, for example, to do a good job and get promoted so that we don't get fired, but this kind of motivation can't be sustained in the long run.
Desire: e.g. desire for success, wealth, happiness. Success may mean making a lot of money, becoming famous, and being envied by others, but this kind of success does not satisfy us.
Responsibility: Wanting to do the right thing out of gratitude and responsibility.
Love: Trying to help someone you care about

When we do something out of responsibility and love, we feel that what we are doing is meaningful. For example, if we work overtime for a report that is just for our boss, everyone will feel miserable, but not if we stay up late to prepare a birthday party for our children. This doesn't mean that working late for a report is completely useless; it may have a practical use, but it doesn't make us feel happy or satisfied.

Satisfaction comes from believing in the value of what you do.

If you want to live a meaningful life and become a better version of yourself, you have to take the time to do the hard work:

Identify your motivation

The true motivation can only be discerned by oneself. We may be volunteering for the sake of love, but in reality we are doing it for the sake of fame. When we want to do something, ask yourself over and over again why you think you are doing it. Is it because you like the process of doing it, do you have to do it, or are you just envious of the applause and titles that others get after doing it? Do you like yourself when you are done with it?

Very few people do things with only one intention in mind. Sometimes our motivation is at least partly based on fear or desire, but it is important that we are aware of our intentions and try to find real opportunities for self-fulfillment within the limits of our control.

We have to be gardeners of our own lives, planting only the seeds of good intentions, watching to see what they become, and removing the weeds that spring up and get in the way. and get in the way.

2. Strive to become your ideal self

We don't just need to know that our motivation is good. Once we have a motive and a goal, we have to work hard to accomplish it.

"Those who love peace must learn to organize as effectively as those who love war." -
Martin Luther King Jr.

If the goal is to become a certain kind of person, how do you really accomplish it? If your goal is not specific enough, the best way is to find a role model to follow. For example, if you want to be an influential person at work, you can observe the influential seniors in your company and see what problems they encountered and how they faced them.

Growing Up: How to Live Yourself

Discover what works for you

Life goals are a big question, everyone is different and should be different. For most people, deciding on their life and career goals is a process of constant change and improvement.

You can't be anything you want, but you can be everything you are.

Understanding your personality and preferences is an important part of finding your purpose in life. When we say the word "passion", it always seems like finding passion is a simple task, but sustainable passion actually comes from understanding your own personality. Even if you like the same subject matter, the roles you like and are suited for may be very different. Even if they are working in the same field, some people may enjoy learning and sharing knowledge, some may enjoy the feeling of being able to provide resources and have an impact on others, some may enjoy creating concepts, and some may enjoy actually working on the products.

In order to understand your own practice, the process of daily reflection mentioned above is very important. To be more specific, in the process of reviewing, you can examine the activities you engaged in that day in detail, think about what you really like, and record your physical and psychological feelings at that time. After a period of time, you can then go back and analyze the situation to see when you feel better or worse, when you feel the most comfortable or the most unhappy, and what are the related people, places, and objects, and then you can see the clues.

(The author has mentioned some tips in this section, and I would recommend two other books on the same topic, Design Work and Ikigai.)

Of course, the goal of life is not just to do what one likes, but to live out one's own "Dharma", as described in the Monk's Mentality. The so-called "Dharma" of monks is:

Law = Passion + Expertise + Usefulness

Dharma isn't just passion and skills Dharma is passion in the service of others Your passion is for you Your purpose is for others Your passion becomes a purpose when you use it to serve others Your dharma has to fill a need in the world. Your passion becomes a purpose when you use it to serve others. Your dharma has to fill a need in the world.

Usefulness means usefulness to the community. The concept of "Dharma" tells us that the goal of maximizing one's value to the society must be found in one's own abilities and interests. Sometimes we envy other people's achievements, but when we actually do it, we realize that we don't have the passion to do it and it's very painful, or we lack the skills and are not good at it, and we can't achieve the level of value to the public. If we can find our own "Dharma" and do what we are interested in, passionate about, good at, and useful to the public, then even if we don't have the praise of others or fame, we will still be happy and have a sense of fulfillment on the way forward, and we can let go of the mentality of comparing ourselves with others.

Once we have a basic idea of our preferences, interests and specialties, we can begin to experiment and try to incorporate more activities into every aspect of our lives that may be closer to our Dharma. If possible, we can change the way we work, the position we hold, or we can try different things in our personal time to live out our life's purpose.

Once you have a sense of your dharma, it's up to you to set up your life so that you can live it.

Designing a disciplined life in the present

Allow yourself to live in the moment

Being present is the only way to live a truly rich and full life.

Be present basically means to be able to immerse oneself in something, whether it is working, doing the dishes, or chatting with the family. More deeply, it means being able to be deeply aware of all aspects of something in the present moment, including bodily sensations, and even guiding oneself to feel the joy of doing it. For example, when eating a meal, focus on the flavors of each dish.

The author has made a good point in one paragraph:

If I am incapable of washing dishes joyfully, if I want to finish them quickly so I can go and have dessert or a cup of tea, I will be equally incapable of enjoying my dessert or my tea when I finally have them....

When we focus on what we are looking for, we may find that every little thing we do is a new experience. The first thing we need is just the heart to focus on the realization.

Designing the living environment and routine to develop good habits

This part of the concept is very similar.atomic habitIn addition, you should cultivate good habits in your daily life that can help you calm your mind and increase your productivity. Whether it's exercising or meditating, you should match the design of your environment and work routine.

Location has energy; time has memory. If you do something at the same time every day, it becomes easier and natural. If you do something in the same space every day, it becomes easier and natural.

Design Environment

Designing environments where the things you want to use are right at hand can greatly increase the chances of successfully developing habits. In the same way, your living environment can be designed to help you calm your mind and focus on your work. Some people may need a clean and tidy home, others may just need a clean desktop, but the point is to find out what environment makes it easiest to do what you need to do at the moment without interruptions and in a calm mood.

With elevated awareness, we understand what has made us impatient, stressed, or drained, and develop guidelines for what living in our dharma, in the right environment, with the right energy, would look like. With elevated awareness, we understand what has made us impatient, stressed, or drained, and develop guidelines for what living in our dharma, in the right environment, with the right energy, would look like.

The environment can include the home, the office, the things you can see and the sounds you can hear, all of which can be part of the design.

Design Time

For things you do on a daily basis or habits you want to develop, completing them at a set time puts you on automatic and uses the least amount of energy to maintain the habit.

Regular Life

It's a bit surprising to hear that establishing a systematic routine is the foundation for living a life of purpose. I used to be quite skeptical about this because the concept is quite abstract and sounds like big talk. It was only after I had the opportunity to experience and compare different lifestyles that I realized the importance of a disciplined life. My own experience is that a disciplined life helps us to use simple rules to keep our minds focused, to rest when we need to rest, to relax when we need to relax, and to schedule time for reflection and refocusing, so that we can concentrate on what we need to do at the moment during each period of time, thus achieving twice the result with half the effort.

For the average person, the easiest (but not easy to do at first) first step to a disciplined life is to get into the habit of waking up early.

Wake up early.

Getting up early can be difficult, but getting up earlier than everyone else and starting the day before the world turns can start the day off in a quiet and peaceful mood. Getting up early is especially helpful for people with busy families and work schedules, as it may be the only time you have to yourself. Although a similar effect can be achieved in the middle of the night in the dead of night, at the end of the day you have less energy and it is harder to concentrate on your thoughts.

When we wake up before our bodies are ready, the hormone melatonin, which helps to regulate sleep, is usually still at work, which is one of the reasons we grope for the snooze button.

Don't pick up your cell phone for at least 15 minutes when you wake up, so that your mind is free of distractions and you can focus on the tasks of the morning, such as making coffee, brushing your teeth and washing your face. Having a calm time in the morning is indicative of getting through the day. Usually if I can do this in the morning, I feel better throughout the day and it's easier to stay positive and optimistic.

Regular Bedtime Preparation

If you want to wake up early, you have to prepare yourself at night. In addition to going to bed at a regular time, you should also be prepared for the next day. The most important principle here is to make sure that you don't have to spend too much brain power on making trivial decisions the next day. For example:

Decide what you want to do first thing in the morning.
Prepare what you're going to wear tomorrow.

You also need to prepare your mood. If you go to bed with a bad mood, it can affect how you feel when you wake up the next day. Meditating before bed or stopping the use of electronic devices are ways to help your brain calm down.

Harnessing the Mind

Although we want to live in the present, it is not easy to do so. On average, our thoughts stay at one point in time for only three seconds, while our body is stimulated by the five senses at any time, and our brain starts to think about what happened before or predict what will happen after, in order to judge the situation. If we record all the thoughts that keep skipping through our minds, we will find that there are a lot of confusions and contradictions. There is a lot of noise in our minds, and when we are led by this noise, we can't live in the moment, or even be controlled by our emotions, and we can't get things done.

The wise shape their minds.

By seeing the ego and the mind as separate entities, you can begin to learn to harness it.

Dialogue with the mind.

Treat your mind as a friend, get to know it, communicate with it and harmonize with it. The way to do this is to spend fifteen minutes every day, or when you are in a bad mood, talking to your mind. Specifically, we can write down our thoughts and read them over to see which direction our mind is going.

When we are aware of the negative thoughts of the mind, we can patiently ask it, as we would ask a friend, is the negative part in our imagination or is it actually there? Is there a way to describe the same thing in positive terms? If it's worried about the future, or stuck in the past, ask it if there's anything we can do right now to help the situation. If there is, let's do it.

Let reason talk to it and respond in a positive way. Be like a friend to it, without blaming it, but rather using empathy to tell it that it's natural to have these thoughts, but that it's also possible to understand them in a positive way.

Helping the mind feel more accomplished

The easiest way to make the mind happy is to make it feel accomplished. There are three things that make us feel accomplished: learning, making progress, and accomplishing something. We can visualize this progress by keeping track of what we do. Setting yourself some learning goals every day, which can be as simple as finishing a knowledge article, can give your mind the joy of learning and a sense of accomplishment.

Helps calm the mind more easily

Our brains are stimulated by the five senses and like to think about things. Since the brain is naturally more responsive to new stimuli and less interested in what has already happened, we need to try to tell our mind to focus and be less distracted. Another way to stabilize our mind is to keep it as stimulated as possible.

Senses recklessly transport our minds away from where we want them to be. Don't tease your own senses. Don't set yourself up to fail. Don't set yourself up to fail.

The mind may be attracted to material or physical pleasures and therefore limit what it is willing or able to do. Let the mind learn to let go of these, perhaps occasionally challenging itself to give up a pleasure for a period of time as a form of training. For example, make it a rule not to watch TV, to give up a favorite snack, to stop drinking alcohol, or the like. Let the mind get used to the idea that it can live well without these things, and it will be stronger.

Only by detaching can we truly gain control of the mind.

Maintain humility and cultivate the habit of introspection

I talked about fear earlier. We often feel insecure, and that insecurity makes us want to inflate our ego, because the mind wants others to think we are the best, the best, the most important, and tries to create an image of perfection in order to gain the respect of others, and to act with pride, complacency, vanity, and arrogance, and to become an obstacle to our own learning. Such people do not really want to be better, but just want to appear better than they really are, deceiving themselves and others.

The true self is what you are when no one else cares. When we are truly satisfied with who we are, we don't have to prove ourselves. By letting go of unnecessary pride and not defining ourselves by external successes or failures, we can focus our time and energy on learning to be better.

Pride is "the cause of the most damaging fall for the soul."

So what can you do to help yourself stay humble at all times?

Focusing on the little things makes you accustomed to letting go of your unnecessary pride.
When you fail, admit it and reflect on it.
Learn something new every day.
Find people who are wise, who can help you grow, who share your values, and listen to them.
Thank the people who help you.
Fixed introspection:
- What bad things have I done to others?
- What things have people helped me with?
- What are my long-term life goals? We will always fall short of our next big life goal.

No matter what we achieve, we can aspire to greater scale and depth.

Giving: Our Relationship with the World

Gratitude makes you happier

Before we talk about giving, let's talk about gratitude. We've probably all heard about being thankful, but maybe some of us, like me, find it a cliché at first. Few people tell us what the real benefits of being truly grateful for others are. It may sound selfish, but the reality is that being grateful is good for your mental health and for maintaining relationships. Learning to be grateful helps us to find the good things in life and block out the bad thoughts that often pop into our heads that cause stress hormones. When we are genuinely grateful, our brains tend to secrete dopamine, just as they do when we exercise and control our diet.

Although there are always bad things in life, there is always something to be thankful for, and even setbacks can help us grow. Learning to think about what helps us grow may not be immediate, but we can learn to see bad things as opportunities for growth. When gratitude is our first response, we no longer simply label events as bad, but we often take a longer view and become more open-minded. Being grateful also makes us feel more desirous of giving back to others and helps us to have more purpose in life. Studies have shown that people who are grateful to others are more likely to get through difficult times.

Cultivate a habit of gratitude

We can actually train ourselves to be more grateful. One way to do this is to keep a gratitude journal every day before you go to bed, where you write down what you are thankful for, whether it's the existence of an event, a person, or simply the existence of one thing that we are thankful for. Doing this before bed allows you to reflect on the good things before you go to sleep and helps you sleep better.

"Once you start seeing things to be grateful for, your brain starts looking for more things to be grateful for."

Precise Expressions of Gratitude

In fact, most of us are thankful for others. We are taught to say thank you from a young age, but it has become so habitual that even though we say thank you, we seldom actually give thanks wholeheartedly. Instead of just saying thank you, we can practice more precise expressions of gratitude by saying, "Thank you for your kindness in preparing my dinner. By putting a little more thought into our expressions, we become more grateful ourselves, and the people we thank feel happy and closer to each other.

One thing to note: When we first learn to express gratitude, people close to us may be uncomfortable. Hang in there and find the right way to express yourself.

Expressing gratitude through giving makes us more grateful.

We should not only express our gratitude with words, but also with actions. Give back to the people what others have given to us.

Don't be the glass.

Gratitude and kindness are actually two sides of the same coin in a symbiotic relationship. When we talk about kindness, we mean a heart that is genuinely good to others, a heart that does not do something for its own benefit but for the benefit of others. Gratitude is easy for a kind person. It is because a kind person's own goodness will make it easy for him to realize the goodness of others, and therefore easy to be grateful. So, be a kind person yourself, and this will also make you more grateful.

Cultivating and Deepening Relationships

According to the study, people who live longer usually have good relationships, including close ties with family members and healthy social activities. People with good relationships are more likely to get help from others when they need it, and to stay physically and mentally healthy.

How to create and maintain good interpersonal relationships starting from oneself? The ancients said, "Cultivate one's body, unify one's family, rule the country, and pacify the world. In interpersonal relationships, we must also start with our own cultivation. The Monk's Mentality mentions the concept of a cycle. What we give out will come back to us in a cyclical manner, but not necessarily directly, so we should adjust our expectations. Common friction between people is often caused by inconsistency between expectations and reality. Maybe we expect to be good to others, and they have to be equally good to us, but this is not necessarily the case. If we reflect on this, we will probably realize that we often overlook the good things that others do for us and do not reciprocate.

Whenever you give out any energy-love, hate, anger, kindness-you will always get it back. But not directly. The problem is our expectation. expectation.

Right Expectations for Relationships

We often inadvertently have false expectations of relationships, such as going to our familiar or closest family members and friends for advice when we are in trouble, only to receive no answers. In fact, everyone may play different roles in different relationships and under different circumstances, and the expectations we should have for each person should be based on the current situation and the person's characteristics. In a relationship, we may be learning (getting) or teaching (giving) from others. Regardless of the type of person we are, we should always try to give back at least as much as we give to others. We can simply think about what we can learn from and what we can give to those people.

The four dimensions of trust

So how do you set the right expectations for a relationship? First, we need to understand that all relationships are based on trust. Our trust in a person can be categorized in four ways:

Trust in his/her talent: How much we believe in someone's talent, agree with his/her advice or recommendation.
Trust in their care: How much we trust that someone cares enough about us to think about us and not just themselves. The more deeply someone cares about us, the more likely we are to confide in that person.
TRUST IN HIS CHARACTER: How much we believe in someone's character as being upright.
Trust in their consistency: Some people may not be the strongest experts, or the most honorable or caring, but they are always there for you and will give you their time.

Expectations of a person should be based on the type and degree of trust we have in that person. For example, for general family and friends, the deepest trust is probably in their care and consistency, and if we expect them to provide professional advice to solve life problems, that would be a far cry. For colleagues in the workplace, perhaps the trust should be based mainly on competence, and it may be too much to expect them to care about their private lives. If we analyze carefully, we may find that there are too few people of a certain type around us. That's why we should be open to getting to know more people and cultivating different circles of people.

"People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime."

When we have reasonable expectations of a relationship, it is much easier to build or maintain relationships.

Stages of Trust

As I mentioned earlier in this discussion of the self, human nature naturally wants others to think they are better than they really are, so lying or falsehoods are commonplace, and studies have shown that one in five interpersonal interactions is not completely honest. (However, when others discover untruths, the damage done to trust is far greater than the original minor embellishments).

Therefore, when dealing with people, trust also takes time to get to know a person step by step. Trust can be divided into several stages.

Early Acquaintance: Usually neutral. When we first get to know someone, we usually have a neutral view of that person and have no expectations.

Contractual trust: This is the concept of "we had a deal". For example, if we agreed to take turns paying for dinner, when I pay for this meal, I trust that you will pay for the next one. If we are still in a contractual relationship with someone, we can't expect more from them.
Mutually helpful trust: This is an advanced version of contractual trust. When a person does what they say they will do for a long period of time, I am willing to help you even if I don't say so in advance or expect reciprocation from the other person. This is because I also believe that you will help me equally. To reach this stage, it takes a long time to cultivate.
Pure Trust: This is the highest level of trust, where no matter what happens, you still believe in the person.

We can imagine this as a pyramid. If we group the people we know according to these stages, the more advanced the stage, the fewer people there will be. Blind trust is not a wise thing to do, and even if we don't have enough friends in the advanced stages in our current circle, we can't easily let people move to the next stage.

How to build and deepen trust

Finding the Right Relationship

Since trust is mutual, if you want to have a chance to build a deeper trusting relationship, you have to start with yourself: do what you say you will do, and sincerely help and support the person you think is right for you. However, we have limited time and energy, especially for deeper relationships, we should be careful in choosing the right person.

How to choose the right person? Once again, we should start with self-awareness. When we want to build a relationship with someone, there are usually five possible motivations:

Physical attraction: We may be attracted to someone's appearance or feel that being with them makes us look good.
Physical Attraction: We like someone's accomplishments, power, and what they have.
Intellectual Attraction: We may be attracted to someone's way of thinking and feel inspired to be better with them.
Emotional attraction: We may be emotionally compatible with someone who understands your moods and is very comfortable to be around.
Spiritual Attraction: Feeling that you share the same goals and values as someone.

When we look for someone we are compatible with, the emotional and spiritual attraction can often lead to longer and deeper relationships.

Specific ways to build and deepen relationships

Once we know ourselves well enough, we can build or deepen relationships with different people in appropriate ways. There are many ways to create opportunities for deeper relationships, but the spirit is to take the initiative to show love and care for others, to be as supportive as possible, to make those we care about feel comfortable, and to help others grow. For example.

Gifts prepared from the heart: The gifts mentioned here are not about buying trust, but about expressing love and care for others through the gift-giving intention. Thinking about what others like and need, and taking the time and effort to observe and prepare, is a direct way to express love.
Active Listening: Listening to the other person, feeling the other person's emotions, asking the right questions to understand the other person, and remembering what the other person has said.
Don't be afraid to ask for advice: Don't be afraid to show your weaknesses. If the other person has something to learn from you, asking for advice will show your respect and trust.
Sharing an experience: e.g., eating a meal together, participating in an activity together, listening to music together, going to an interesting place together.

The point of these approaches is whether they are heartfelt or not. If they are just formalized, it is difficult to achieve results. There are many ways to get along with people, but the most important thing to deepen relationships is to get along with people wholeheartedly. When you are with your friends and family, focus on your participation and avoid "being present but not present".

Emphasize the quality of relationships

Dating is about quality, not quantity, and if you don't have the right person, sometimes it's better to wait. Different people have different ideal relationships and different levels of trust, and if you don't have a yardstick in your mind, you may establish the wrong relationship. Occasionally, we may be in the wrong relationship, and when a relationship causes more pain than is acceptable, we should have the courage to leave or downgrade the relationship.

"Our language has wisely sensed these two sides of man's being alone. It has created the word 'loneliness' to express the pain of being alone. It has created the word 'loneliness' to express the pain of being alone. And it has created the word 'solitude' to express the glory of being alone. "

From Self-Growth to Service to Others and the World

The Monk's Mind starts with how to let go. When we let go of external influences and internal fears, and find out our purpose in life, we can gradually harness our minds to recognize our own values, and the ultimate state is that our hearts are in the service of others and the world.

What we can control in our relationships with others is the mindset of serving others from ourselves. This is the highest goal of The Monk's Mind. The more selfless we are, the more inner peace we can achieve, because we are no longer doing what we do for ourselves, we are free from self-centeredness and self-image, and we are no longer prone to tension and anxiety.

No matter how much we give now, each of us can serve others even more. Earlier we talked about the benefits of gratitude and the importance of giving to relationships. When we serve or help others, we strengthen our own gratitude and that of others, and we gain a broader perspective of what we have. At the same time, we will feel useful, free from negative emotions, have a sense of meaning and purpose, and ultimately gain more positive energy, build and deepen trusting relationships, and be happier.

Maximization of service benefits

This does not mean that we should be free to respond to everyone's requests. Even if we want to help others as much as we can, everyone's time and energy is limited, so those who are service-minded should think about how they can use their talents better at work, at home, and in their communities to serve as many people as possible. When we are faced with a choice, the effectiveness of service can be our compass.

The so-called service mentality is to do the right thing at the right time and place without expecting any reward.

"Giving simply because it is right to give, without thought of return, at a proper time, in proper circumstances, and to a worthy person, is "sattvic giving"

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The Monk's Mentality | Teaches you how to find your self-worth and purpose in life through your mentality.